Same Old Bit

As far as I can remember I've been shy and tender,

Easy to anger and even quicker to be stranger,

Seeking attention with jokes to mention,

But then I'd catch her gaze and my words turned to haze,

Stumble to speak held my tongue felt weak,

Say something I didn't like it just didn't fit,

Walk away close the door just the same old bit,

Return to laughter honed the skills I was after,

Pick it up and try again end up in this hole layed in,

Forget it don't worry one day the message won't be blurry,

Ponder later that day return to thinking the same way,

Push the evil out poisoning with self doubt,

Somehow it still seeps in writhing deep within,

Buried in trenches under my skin,

Scar tissue of moments that passed,

Why bother keeping it I'll still finish last,

Taking each time as a notch on the belt line,

Carried it on for future attempts to rely upon,

When the pressure hits the surface the belt is worthless,

Each notch melts away because it's the same thing anyway,

There is nothing to learn from dazing in burn,

It often hits me that one day I'll be dead,

The more brutal thought is that it's all in my head